Universities, Universities, Universities.

I often find there's nothing more daunting than a blank word document (as does my computer too, apparently, as it has frozen up even at the concept of opening one up). This is my situation for a few things at the moment. First is this blog, I suppose. Now don't get me wrong, I love this blog and how it gives me the opportunity to rant at whatever I so please... However, actually thinking of a topic that I can talk about for more than a paragraph is really hard for me, especially as all I have going on in my life is universities, universities, universities (I suppose choosing universities it is a bit like Location, Location, Location in a way, isn't it?). This brings me onto the second reason I'm finding blank word documents daunting at the moment: personal statements.

I actually need to start my personal statement. Soon. I need to get in a draft for September and I am yet to write a word. I mean I do have a few things I can put in there but for me it is just the issue that I have no idea how to write about myself properly. As you know all too well from this blog, I am sarcastic, I am a pessimist, and I am a bit rubbish at drumming up motivation sometimes. (I do really want to go to university though). So, when I usually write about myself, it's usually in the form of sarcastic rant-like blogposts such as the one you see before you. Plus, of course, we're back to the issue of the blank word document. 

I do realise I'm just going to have to get on and start it. I feel like I need Shia Labeouf shouting "JUST DO IT" in my ears at all hours of the day right now. I think the reason this blank document is so intimidating is the fact that whatever I write on it is going to determine whether I get into the university I want. I mean, some of the talks I’ve heard have said “They don’t even read them don’t worry” but really, why work to that assumption? If someone might read it, I’m going to make sure it’s good.

I'm also starting something called an EPQ. Now if you're not from the UK or just don't know what it is, an EPQ stands for Extended Project Qualification, and for me this basically means a 6,000 word dissertation on any topic of my choice. I do not know how to write a dissertation. Or plan one. I do not even have a question set up yet. I do have a lot of extra reading though... My theory is that if I do most of it in the next few weeks, I’ll get it over and out of the way (mainly, I mean just the research -  I still have to write it)

I've been spending a bit of time looking around universities lately and it seems that the decision that should be easy to go "I don't like this university" and "I'll apply for that one definitely" really isn't easy at all. Going back to Location, Location, Location (property show in the UK, if you didn’t know!) it really is getting like that. It’s as if I’m looking for loads of things at once (you know how it is – “I want 5 bathrooms, two kitchens, a fountain, and a private annex and dance studio for my dog...”)

My biggest weakness has to be pretty buildings, though. Even if my mum is saying "The course, the course!" at some points I seem completely in a trance, repeating "it's so pretty! Look at that ceiling. Oh my god that bookcase". I can't help it. I just love pretty buildings. I probably need to counteract that a bit though...

Some universities seem to have the perfect course but everything else isn’t so wonderful, or vice versa. I can’t seem to find the perfect mix right now but I think I may have to compromise. You do learn what to ask, though. Something I always like to do when looking around universities is say to myself “If it was raining and cold and you were tired as hell on a Monday morning, would you still feel like shit here? Would I be okay to get however long on public transport to a lecture?” because really, sometimes thinking about it in a different way than just the summery sunshine setting that you first see it in can make a difference. Also, ask the students questions, a lot of questions, no matter how small.

Something that I’ve also been doing is writing everything down. With the open days so close to one another most of the time, it’s surprisingly easy to forget little things that you thought on the day. So I’ve got yet another word document for that. I know it might be a bit frivolous but I think it might help. To be honest though, I’m just so indecisive that I don’t know if I’ll ever choose.

Anyway, I’ll stop rambling at you now. Thanks for reading!

Laura.

Boredom: my old unwanted friend

Hello again!

As I opened up this blog to write a post I realised that it’s only been about 4 days since I last posted. It’s not really me just making up for the lost three months of no blogging, though. Since my exams have ceased, I have encountered my old unwanted friend called boredom. Now I’m not talking about the “Oh this revision is so boring!” or “Lessons are so boring” type of boredom, I’m talking about the days-on-end-not-doing-anything-productive-whatsoever boredom. Even though I’m happy exams are over, I kind of feel like I don’t know what to do with myself.

When I said this to my mum I laughed when she asked whether I was missing exams. In a way though, the more I think about it, I kind of get what she means. Of course I don’t miss exams and revision (who would?) but at least having all of that going on a) gave me something to do and b) made it so I felt I was doing something with my life. It says it all when I have hours to watch TV yet I find myself wanting to find something more interesting to do instead. So basically my conclusion from that is that I need to do something with myself. Now.

It’s sort of like when a child wants a toy and only really wants it when they don’t have it. In my situation, I thought doing nothing but watching television and films all day was the dream whilst I had a bottomless pit of revision cards to look over but now it’s all over, the novelty has worn off a bit.

To be totally honest with you, I had a bit of an existential crisis this week (only briefly). I mean yes, it’s always bubbling away inside my brain but sometimes it just erupts in a few hours of oh god what am I doing with my life? I’m sure everyone must feel like this at some point. I don’t have a clear path to follow. It’s like there should be a clear answer but someone very tall has just stood in front of me so I can’t see it... (I’m pretty sure that was the worst simile I’ve ever come up with... Note to self: never become a poet, Laura). Hopefully once I’ve started looking around universities and written the oh-so-dreaded personal statement, I’ll feel a bit better. Does anyone have any advice? I’m feeling a bit lost with it all.

Going back to a bit of positivity, it was my birthday on Friday! I'm now 17! Not quite an adult but not quite a child... Bit of an ambiguous age, really! It was great to see my friends and I got a lot of chocolate (although not as much as last year - my god that was a sight to behold) and so many cool presents. I had such a nice day so shout out to my lovely friends (both offline and online) for making it so nice! I love you all! (Wow that got cheesy very quickly, didn't it?)

Anyway, back to doing nothing productive!

Laura. 

Age is but a number (...and a social construct)

Hello!
My exams finished on Friday and true to my word, I am back! I must admit, though, that I thought I’d feel a lot more... free. It seems like a bit of an anti-climax for me now that I have loads of free time. Maybe it’s due to the fact that they’re making us go back to college on Monday to start second year work! Slightly depressing... My 17^th birthday is looming on Friday and I don’t feel very excited for that either! Is that something normal? Like I sort of wish I could go back to being 10 for a week and just countdown to my birthday for ages like it was Christmas (although the day itself always seemed slightly disappointing compared to the build-up... is that just me?). But that’s the reality of growing up, I guess. It will still be good, I think! (My friend is making me a cake. I love cake).

Oh listen to me getting all melancholy and theoretical... Anyway, I better focus on what has happened since I left this blog! Now, I doubt any of you haven’t heard from me in the last three months or so because I’m on twitter but just in the possibility that I have people who follow my life exclusively on here, I’ll just say I have done nothing. I’m not even kidding! Apart from exams, nothing has really happened in my life. Do I hear you gasp? No, it’s really just usual for me. I should probably start looking for work experience, but seeing as I have to be 18 for the majority of it, I still have a year to go, really... I’ll have to sort something.

Driving! That’s exciting isn’t it? Something I can now officially do when I’m 17. Although I’m still not counted as an adult. Oh social constructs, what a joy! I feel there’s always build up to ‘big’ ages that I never really get excited for. For example, I’m not really excited to drive. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it once I get going but at the moment I have no urge to be able to jump in the nearest car and drive off into the sunset. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic but you get my point. It’s funny, I’ve only just realised today that I have been old enough to legally buy a lottery ticket for a whole year and I haven’t even bought one! I could literally win £8 million on the lottery this weekend yet I still couldn’t buy a drink at a bar. Or drive. Or vote. Or buy fireworks. Or get a commercial pilot’s licence... (I am googling these – there are quite a few).

It makes me laugh when I think back to my 9 year old self, thinking when I was a teenager I’d always be going to cool parties and going into town on my own (wow the independence is too much to comprehend). In hindsight though, I guess we all romanticised a bit. We didn’t know the true difficulty of actually getting a life when all we had to worry about was what was on television at the weekend or the “you’re not my friend anymore” school feuds on the playground. In a way I wish I still had a bit of that sky-high optimism I had when I was younger, but what can you do?

Anyway, right now I’m putting off a couple of projects I need to catch up on (yes, they’re already piling on the work, pretty much) but instead I thought I’d take a while to talk to you guys! I want to get back into the swing of things with this blog. As always, thank you for being my hypothetical stress ball (but not in a weird way).

Laura.

I've hit the wall. (Metaphorically...)

I never really know the right way to start these, honestly. Hello, I guess? That always works, I suppose, but I feel I should shake it up a bit... What the hell am I talking about... Welcome to another edition of 'Uneventful life rants with Laura'! I'm going to try and be a little more optimistic this week, I think. I'll just bury my head in the sand at the thought of exams in less than two months for a moment and talk about something more positive for a change. 

What do you even like to read about? I tried asking twitter once and all I got was a plethora of my friends suggesting I write about them. As much as I would love to write a three part trilogy of novels about the wonders of my 'squad', I'm just a bit lazy for that, honestly. This blog is supposed to be some sort of account of my life and its (non-existent) amazing plot twists, trials and tribulations. Should I talk more about myself on here? I'm not sure. As I've said previously, my life isn't exactly something very interesting, and it would literally feel like I was trying to make you excited about a new brand of beige paint or something. I can give it a go, I guess. Please feel free to send your suggestions...

Not right now, however... It's happened. I've finally hit the "oh god I need to revise wall"... Slowly but surely I think I'm getting there with motivation to revise! Thank god. So this unfortunately means I probably can't update as regularly as I usually do (I would put a sad face in here but since this is a 'formal' blogpost, just imagine my melancholy expression, gazing off into the distance) but I will still try to if I can. I will be back at some point with, yes, you guessed it, more plotless rambles of me stating my inner insecurities and angers in life! Oh a what a lot you have to look forward to!

But for now....

Laura.

Motivation

Hello! It’s been a while... Well, not really that long but it certainly feels like that. Boy, am I glad to see you guys. I have signed up to help with the student magazine and we’ve been writing our sample pieces this week. Basically I have volunteered to do the film and television reviews (I can realistically only pick one per issue really, I may go on too long) and I didn’t realise how hard it is to write reviews for things... I thought it would just all flow out of me naturally (that sounded odd) when I sat down at my laptop but it was actually really difficult to get the hang of. I hope I manage it eventually! I have also volunteered to do a ‘cool facts’ section, which, admittedly could have used a slightly more professional adjective in the name when I suggested it so I didn’t sound about six years old but oh well... They are cool facts. Cool fact: did you know that Uranus was originally going to be called George? That would have actually been hilarious.

Anyway, I’m muddling along with life in general I suppose. My main and only topic of conversation at parties is still “ooh sixth form” but hey, what can you do? I’ve just had my mock grades back and it seems like I’m going to have to carry on the dreaded English language as I actually did the best in it out of my subjects... Isn’t that ironic? (It’s like rain, on my non-existent wedding day...).

If I had a penny for every time I mentioned motivation in these blog posts I would have at least 23p. Motivation is the bane of my existence. I just cannot seem to stop procrastinating, it’s quite a big problem, honestly. My exams are in two months, for god’s sake. And here I go again, I literally have nothing else to talk about other than college at the moment.

I feel like I need to be a bit more adventurous really, I don’t actually do much. For somebody that has a maths test tomorrow morning, I’m not exactly revising, or even thinking about revising. I mean I used to get to the point where I was panicking whilst procrastinating but now it’s sort of descended into “I should be doing this but I don’t really feel the need or urgency to at all”. This is one of my worst habits – leaving things until last minute. I’m sure a lot of you might share this trait, but it’s actually becoming quite a problem for me lately. I’m having GCSE flashbacks...

When I say leaving things until last minute, my mind does have a lot of notice beforehand that it should be doing these things.  I’m not sure what goes on in that thought process, but the stress and oh god why haven’t I revised this yet doesn’t actually hit me until the eleventh hour. Whenever I have enough motivation to actually do some revision willingly (that is pretty rare), as soon as I’m finished, my mind instantly switches to the mode of “Wow Laura you have done so much revision you’re going to do so great just keep this up and work constantly” and then it switches off completely after about 5 minutes of this. It’s not great for keeping motivation up, honestly. When I’m doing history, I usually end up making up puns half the time... My friends know this very well...

Speaking of my friends, I feel like I should do more with them! (If you are reading this, friends, imagine I am that poster of Lord Kitchener pointing at you from all directions – “Your country needs YOU!” – you know the one). With summer fast approaching (although the weather seemed to change its mind today) I am yet again feeling the “Let’s do something cool!” motivation. So maybe I should. I’m not sure, I’ll probably say all this now and then in a few months I will be feeling lazy as hell.

Speaking of feeling lazy as hell, I’m going to go and sleep now I think (aka browse on my phone in bed for another hour in the dark).

Laura. 

Freedom (sort of)

It’s a Saturday and mock exams are over... Thank god! I'm free... for now. It’s been a bit of interesting week, really. My maths exam was a lot harder than I expected and I am pretty sure my teacher saw me mouthing swearwords at my paper in frustration. I think overall though my mocks went okay which is good. Well, as well as they could go with the unrelenting magnet of procrastination looming constantly. The week didn’t particularly get much better from that point. I was about to go into my last mock exam on Thursday (finally), I was just getting out of the car and then my phone fell on the floor. That probably would have been okay but then oh wait. I accidentally stepped on it too. Wonderful. Needless to say there was quite a big crack on my phone after that... Not the best thing to happen.

Last night was fun, though. Replacement phone safely stored in my pocket, I went to see Kingsman at the cinema with my friends. Now, not many films make me come out at the end like “Wow, that was so amazing” but this one certainly did. Seriously, go and see it, it’s great. I swear they’re not paying me to say this (not that anyone reads this anyway)... But yes, as I said not many films impress me but that one did. Guardians of the Galaxy made me feel the same way and that is such an awesome film (did I really just use the word awesome?). Bascially yes. Films.

I’m now sat on my bed picking at the rest of my popcorn from last night, wishing that most of the remains weren’t the annoying unpopped kernels and those fragments of sugary shells that do nothing but get stuck in your teeth. It’s kind of representative of my life at the moment... The bits at the bottom of a popcorn bag that nobody wants... Bit of a strange metaphor I know.

I found my old Nintendo DS earlier on in the week and it still had Pokémon Leaf Green in it. I hadn’t played it in months and basically I ended up playing it non-stop for about 5 hours. On the night before a mock exam. Priorities! I had nearly completed it so I kept on going until I did. I love that game... Next, naturally, I dug out my other Pokémon game that is a lot newer and I must admit I was disappointed! Now, if any of you play Pokémon, you’re probably familiar with the traditional Pokémon like Pikachu and Charmander... None of those are in the new game! Most of the Pokémon are basically cats, dogs, whales, you name it. I just couldn’t be bothered with it. I’m going back to the Gameboy one...

Now I’m giving myself the week off revision I have decided to just binge a bit on television. Not that I didn’t do that whilst procrastinating for my mocks, but now I’m allowed! Yet, now I have time, loads of television programmes are either finished or not my sort of thing. For example, Parks and Recreation (I love it so much), finished forever this week... Great. Maybe if I have the attention span I’ll start watching the rest of Game of Thrones again, which I haven’t watched for about three months. I’m going to be so confused.

At the moment I just want to curl up into a ball and ignore my responsibilities. If only there was a form of hibernation I could go into and when I emerge everything in my life will be sorted out already for me. Obviously that’s not going to happen but do you know what I mean? I seem to constantly be in the mood of wanting to do something but not wanting to do any of the things I could do. I need a bit of motivation, I guess. Or a hobby. Maybe a hobby would help me.

It’s funny when I think back to my younger self. I literally used to be so creative. If something could be made out of cardboard, paper and sellotape, I made it. My dream job was to be a writer. I used to write books (they were so terrible) and everything. I remember once when I emailed the author of Horrible Histories, asking for some advice on how to write good books and I got an email back very clearly dictating how I could get sent to prison for plagiarism.  I was 8. Long story short my teacher had an argument with him and our school ended up getting £100 of free books. Wow I need to find that email... I’m not being a writer now, thank goodness, I’m not sure I would cope. I do envy people with the talent though.

Anyway. I’m going to go and salvage what is left of my popcorn...

Laura. 

Time flies.

Does anybody else feel time is moving especially quickly at the moment? I mean yes, time is a concept created by humans (ooh philosophical) and clocks move at the same rate but oh my god where is time going?

I think the times it hits me most is when I’m on Twitter and something that feels like last month is referred to saying “Three years ago today!". It just blows my mind, honestly. I think having ‘Timehop’ would make it worse for me, I think (I have too many tweets to do it apparently – oops). Whenever I have these moments it just feels like “Oh my god we’re all dying”. It’s pretty scary really, especially when they say time goes faster the older you get. Can it slow down a bit please? I do want to savour this pre-exam, pre-university, pre-becoming-an-adult-with-a-life period of my life.

Speaking of becoming an adult with a life, I’m trying to be a bit more proactive with that at the moment. I have started looking at university courses, for example. Even though the prospect of university kind of scares me right now I think it might be the best path for me, and I think I’m going to do History! I’m also looking at maths too but I seriously have no idea why – I think I may end up crying and smashing my head into a wall repeatedly after two weeks if I do that... Maybe.

I have also signed up to the student magazine that should be starting up soon. I have volunteered to help them out with anything they need; and yes that includes writing articles on things. I’m not sure what I would be asked to write about but I feel if I was allowed to have a piece it would be along the lines of ‘Weekly rants with Laura’. I suppose I’m trying to expand a little bit with my experience as it’s so hard to get it properly. But yes, I’m trying that.

At least I am already very certain about what subject I want to drop next year for A-Levels (unless I fail maths or something...). At the start of the year I was pretty certain I was going to drop Psychology because I would physically have to stop myself falling asleep occasionally and looking at the clock every five seconds (a watched clock never changes... Can that be applied here?), but now it’s actually getting pretty interesting, honestly. We’ve started to study social influence and we started by guessing how many 20-year-old jellybeans were in a jar (we were warned not to eat any – that would be a bit of a strange form for my teacher to fill in). We were asked for our guesses twice to see whether we would change our answers depending on everyone else’s answer. The only thing was she actually didn’t know how many were in there. Not that we needed to know for the experiment, but our table volunteered to count them as we just needed to know (324 if you were interested). But yes, I want to drop English language, I’ve decided. I know some people may find it really interesting but I just don’t.

Careers... Still not certain. I want to get into TV but I haven’t really got any idea how to get there exactly... Yet. In the words of Chris Traeger, I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I want to do. Well maybe 20%... Possibly. Let’s see. I’m going to look at some universities this year so hopefully I’ll find something that’s right for me. In a way I’m sort of glad I’m having this existential crisis now instead of in a year's time.

I am currently trying to sit on my bed with my laptop in a position that doesn’t make my radio descend into a wave of static... There was actually some really great music on but now I have finally managed to settle into a position that doesn’t anger my radio, the music just got pretty bad. How ironic. Maybe it's a sign I should really get back to revision now... 

Laura.