Universities, Universities, Universities.

I often find there's nothing more daunting than a blank word document (as does my computer too, apparently, as it has frozen up even at the concept of opening one up). This is my situation for a few things at the moment. First is this blog, I suppose. Now don't get me wrong, I love this blog and how it gives me the opportunity to rant at whatever I so please... However, actually thinking of a topic that I can talk about for more than a paragraph is really hard for me, especially as all I have going on in my life is universities, universities, universities (I suppose choosing universities it is a bit like Location, Location, Location in a way, isn't it?). This brings me onto the second reason I'm finding blank word documents daunting at the moment: personal statements.

I actually need to start my personal statement. Soon. I need to get in a draft for September and I am yet to write a word. I mean I do have a few things I can put in there but for me it is just the issue that I have no idea how to write about myself properly. As you know all too well from this blog, I am sarcastic, I am a pessimist, and I am a bit rubbish at drumming up motivation sometimes. (I do really want to go to university though). So, when I usually write about myself, it's usually in the form of sarcastic rant-like blogposts such as the one you see before you. Plus, of course, we're back to the issue of the blank word document. 

I do realise I'm just going to have to get on and start it. I feel like I need Shia Labeouf shouting "JUST DO IT" in my ears at all hours of the day right now. I think the reason this blank document is so intimidating is the fact that whatever I write on it is going to determine whether I get into the university I want. I mean, some of the talks I’ve heard have said “They don’t even read them don’t worry” but really, why work to that assumption? If someone might read it, I’m going to make sure it’s good.

I'm also starting something called an EPQ. Now if you're not from the UK or just don't know what it is, an EPQ stands for Extended Project Qualification, and for me this basically means a 6,000 word dissertation on any topic of my choice. I do not know how to write a dissertation. Or plan one. I do not even have a question set up yet. I do have a lot of extra reading though... My theory is that if I do most of it in the next few weeks, I’ll get it over and out of the way (mainly, I mean just the research -  I still have to write it)

I've been spending a bit of time looking around universities lately and it seems that the decision that should be easy to go "I don't like this university" and "I'll apply for that one definitely" really isn't easy at all. Going back to Location, Location, Location (property show in the UK, if you didn’t know!) it really is getting like that. It’s as if I’m looking for loads of things at once (you know how it is – “I want 5 bathrooms, two kitchens, a fountain, and a private annex and dance studio for my dog...”)

My biggest weakness has to be pretty buildings, though. Even if my mum is saying "The course, the course!" at some points I seem completely in a trance, repeating "it's so pretty! Look at that ceiling. Oh my god that bookcase". I can't help it. I just love pretty buildings. I probably need to counteract that a bit though...

Some universities seem to have the perfect course but everything else isn’t so wonderful, or vice versa. I can’t seem to find the perfect mix right now but I think I may have to compromise. You do learn what to ask, though. Something I always like to do when looking around universities is say to myself “If it was raining and cold and you were tired as hell on a Monday morning, would you still feel like shit here? Would I be okay to get however long on public transport to a lecture?” because really, sometimes thinking about it in a different way than just the summery sunshine setting that you first see it in can make a difference. Also, ask the students questions, a lot of questions, no matter how small.

Something that I’ve also been doing is writing everything down. With the open days so close to one another most of the time, it’s surprisingly easy to forget little things that you thought on the day. So I’ve got yet another word document for that. I know it might be a bit frivolous but I think it might help. To be honest though, I’m just so indecisive that I don’t know if I’ll ever choose.

Anyway, I’ll stop rambling at you now. Thanks for reading!

Laura.

Boredom: my old unwanted friend

Hello again!

As I opened up this blog to write a post I realised that it’s only been about 4 days since I last posted. It’s not really me just making up for the lost three months of no blogging, though. Since my exams have ceased, I have encountered my old unwanted friend called boredom. Now I’m not talking about the “Oh this revision is so boring!” or “Lessons are so boring” type of boredom, I’m talking about the days-on-end-not-doing-anything-productive-whatsoever boredom. Even though I’m happy exams are over, I kind of feel like I don’t know what to do with myself.

When I said this to my mum I laughed when she asked whether I was missing exams. In a way though, the more I think about it, I kind of get what she means. Of course I don’t miss exams and revision (who would?) but at least having all of that going on a) gave me something to do and b) made it so I felt I was doing something with my life. It says it all when I have hours to watch TV yet I find myself wanting to find something more interesting to do instead. So basically my conclusion from that is that I need to do something with myself. Now.

It’s sort of like when a child wants a toy and only really wants it when they don’t have it. In my situation, I thought doing nothing but watching television and films all day was the dream whilst I had a bottomless pit of revision cards to look over but now it’s all over, the novelty has worn off a bit.

To be totally honest with you, I had a bit of an existential crisis this week (only briefly). I mean yes, it’s always bubbling away inside my brain but sometimes it just erupts in a few hours of oh god what am I doing with my life? I’m sure everyone must feel like this at some point. I don’t have a clear path to follow. It’s like there should be a clear answer but someone very tall has just stood in front of me so I can’t see it... (I’m pretty sure that was the worst simile I’ve ever come up with... Note to self: never become a poet, Laura). Hopefully once I’ve started looking around universities and written the oh-so-dreaded personal statement, I’ll feel a bit better. Does anyone have any advice? I’m feeling a bit lost with it all.

Going back to a bit of positivity, it was my birthday on Friday! I'm now 17! Not quite an adult but not quite a child... Bit of an ambiguous age, really! It was great to see my friends and I got a lot of chocolate (although not as much as last year - my god that was a sight to behold) and so many cool presents. I had such a nice day so shout out to my lovely friends (both offline and online) for making it so nice! I love you all! (Wow that got cheesy very quickly, didn't it?)

Anyway, back to doing nothing productive!

Laura. 

Age is but a number (...and a social construct)

Hello!
My exams finished on Friday and true to my word, I am back! I must admit, though, that I thought I’d feel a lot more... free. It seems like a bit of an anti-climax for me now that I have loads of free time. Maybe it’s due to the fact that they’re making us go back to college on Monday to start second year work! Slightly depressing... My 17^th birthday is looming on Friday and I don’t feel very excited for that either! Is that something normal? Like I sort of wish I could go back to being 10 for a week and just countdown to my birthday for ages like it was Christmas (although the day itself always seemed slightly disappointing compared to the build-up... is that just me?). But that’s the reality of growing up, I guess. It will still be good, I think! (My friend is making me a cake. I love cake).

Oh listen to me getting all melancholy and theoretical... Anyway, I better focus on what has happened since I left this blog! Now, I doubt any of you haven’t heard from me in the last three months or so because I’m on twitter but just in the possibility that I have people who follow my life exclusively on here, I’ll just say I have done nothing. I’m not even kidding! Apart from exams, nothing has really happened in my life. Do I hear you gasp? No, it’s really just usual for me. I should probably start looking for work experience, but seeing as I have to be 18 for the majority of it, I still have a year to go, really... I’ll have to sort something.

Driving! That’s exciting isn’t it? Something I can now officially do when I’m 17. Although I’m still not counted as an adult. Oh social constructs, what a joy! I feel there’s always build up to ‘big’ ages that I never really get excited for. For example, I’m not really excited to drive. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it once I get going but at the moment I have no urge to be able to jump in the nearest car and drive off into the sunset. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic but you get my point. It’s funny, I’ve only just realised today that I have been old enough to legally buy a lottery ticket for a whole year and I haven’t even bought one! I could literally win £8 million on the lottery this weekend yet I still couldn’t buy a drink at a bar. Or drive. Or vote. Or buy fireworks. Or get a commercial pilot’s licence... (I am googling these – there are quite a few).

It makes me laugh when I think back to my 9 year old self, thinking when I was a teenager I’d always be going to cool parties and going into town on my own (wow the independence is too much to comprehend). In hindsight though, I guess we all romanticised a bit. We didn’t know the true difficulty of actually getting a life when all we had to worry about was what was on television at the weekend or the “you’re not my friend anymore” school feuds on the playground. In a way I wish I still had a bit of that sky-high optimism I had when I was younger, but what can you do?

Anyway, right now I’m putting off a couple of projects I need to catch up on (yes, they’re already piling on the work, pretty much) but instead I thought I’d take a while to talk to you guys! I want to get back into the swing of things with this blog. As always, thank you for being my hypothetical stress ball (but not in a weird way).

Laura.