Hamlet (Almeida) review - an electrifying and modern take on a classic

As watching theatre productions is now solidly one of my favourite things to do, I’ve decided to make theatre reviews a thing on this blog. My late Grandad used to write quite a lot of these so I thought it would be a good thing I could do as well. I already did some mini reviews of some plays in my last post but I thought I should dedicate a whole post to this. Just as a warning, this review is not spoiler free, both in terms of the Almeida’s version and the original Shakespeare play (but it has been out a while…). As it is my (as yet) favourite Shakespeare play (I am very far from fully educated on all of them), I was very excited when this play was first advertised, especially with the proposed cast. I had seen the Barbican production of Hamlet back in 2015 so I was excited to see how this one differed. I can safely say they were completely different whilst both amazing in different ways. 

I went to see the production of Hamlet at the Almeida Theatre on the 18th March matinee performance and it's safe to say I approached the theatre with eager anticipation. If you are unfamiliar with the plot of Hamlet, I’ll outline it quickly. Hamlet is the prince of Denmark and his father the King has recently died, yet it is his uncle who has become the new King. This is because his uncle (his father’s brother) has married his mother, not so much as two months after the King’s untimely death. This of course affects Hamlet deeply and he possesses a large amount of resentment towards his mother to be so hasty. Yet when the late King’s ghost appears and reveals to Hamlet that it was in fact his uncle that murdered him (and didn’t die from natural causes after all), Hamlet is shocked. Despite being told not to take revenge, he becomes determined to out his uncle Claudius for what he is. However, he needs proof first… And so it goes from there. As you've probably guessed, more death is involved. 

First and foremost I should say that the Almeida is a very nice theatre. Whilst small and compact (that can get a bit inconvenient at the intervals) it had a lovely airy and modern atmosphere and it’s located in one of my favourite areas of central London: Islington. We managed to get our seats for £10 each, which was practically a steal for show such as this one. We soon discovered they were this price because they were restricted view (I had a couple of pillars in my view) but to be honest once I got used to it, it wasn’t too much of a hinderance to my enjoyment. The play was very long (about three and a half hours not including two intervals), so we definitely got enough theatre for our money. Despite being very long (as the original play is), I feel like the director Robert Icke did a fantastic job of keeping the pace as to maintain suspense. There weren't any points where I was wishing they'd hurry along with it.

I loved the staging in this play and how the foreground and background were clearly separated by a glass wall with patio doors and curtains. It felt like a distinctly modern setting and the decor maintained a level of coldness that I thought was a theme essential to this play. Soft furnishings were minimal and everything was sleek and clean-cut, whilst the lighting did bring the necessary amount of warmth to the stage. They made a lot of the colours in set and costume fairly muted and monochrome (apart from the odd one or two outfits in red) which really created another layer of significance when the play turned darker. 

The first revolutionary thing I noticed about this production was the use of screens throughout the performance. The screen at the front was formed of roughly nine smaller screens and there were also small screens dotted around the room. First, they were used as security cameras for when the ghost of Hamlet’s late father is spotted. I found it an ideal modernisation of this scene - security guards watching from a room rather than patrolling the area in the dead of night. The use of news reports (all in Danish but it was easy to get the gist) added depth to the storyline and brought in the idea of the modern royal family. Over were the days of complete regal secrecy; cameras now let in for publicity and reported to the world.

Whilst the original Shakespearean speech was retained, I found that the modernisation of the plot was pretty seamless. I never felt I was in a play out its time, forced into a modern setting for the sake of it. I found the integration of modern devices clever - such as secretly placed microphones to listen into conversations rather than the classic hiding-in-the-corner approach. It was especially funny when they made it clear that Hamlet was fully aware of this surveillance - speaking loudly into microphones for added effect. It really added to his characterisation as the paranoid prince whilst retaining the sense that he was right to behave as such. Of course, it all added to the humour as well. The modernisation of the female characters was also impressive. Whilst characters like Ophelia (Jessica Brown-Findlay) are often pushed aside and not given so much of a voice in Shakespeare, this version of Ophelia certainly had a bit more bite. She was seen as more of an equal and not just an object of Hamlet’s (possible) affections. Her death also felt very meaningful as her character had been built up well throughout the performance. Her confusion about Hamlet was clearly conveyed and her indecisiveness on what to do felt relatable within a modern context. Gertrude (Juliet Stevenson) was also portrayed as a strong character with a confused moral compass. This is shown during the scene where Hamlet (accidentally) murders Polonius. Whilst she is shocked at what her son has done, she also feels united with her son in what she also now knows about her husband’s murderous plots.

Another thing that this production used technology wise I thought was perfect for this production and one scene in particular. In the scene where they are watching the staged play of "The Mousetrap” unfold, the audience is able to clearly observe the reaction of Claudius during the whole scene due to the use of handheld cameras that were beaming a transmission to the screen. This is an obstacle in Hamlet I am always unsure how people will tackle in terms of staging. How can an audience watch a play being acted out whilst watching the reactions of those watching? Usually, as was the case in the Barbican production, some unusual seat placement is required. Whilst you may think the whole camera thing would not blend in well, it was integrated seamlessly with the themes of this modern royal family. The family are often shown onscreen in news broadcasts and any transmissions were always announced at the start as if they were being broadcast live on television - a perfectly believable scenario especially with publicised modern royal families today.

This play also felt unconventional in terms of how the audience were integrated into the performance and made aware of their presence. For example, some lines were directed towards the audience to create humour (but not in a cheap, thrown away sense). The audience, especially in the stalls, were constantly aware of actors entering the stage from the front by walking past the seats, which really expanded the play past the stage. Also, I loved the unconventional way that the play transitioned into intervals. Up to a minute before the play even came to a stop, stewards were walking in right up to the stage, the houselights went up and the actors looked interrupted. A steward then shouted “pause for fifteen minutes!” and the cast, affronted, walked off. Then the screens at the front read “pause” for the duration of the interval which I felt was a fresh way of doing things. The incorporation of technology was never cringeworthy or overstated which is something that is sometimes difficult to achieve.

One thing that did surprise me about the modernisation was the notorious fencing scene. Whilst Polonius was shot (with a very, very loud fake gun) behind the curtain instead of being stabbed, I wasn’t sure what the modern equivalent of a fencing match would be, as somehow the poison-on-the-end-of-the-foil plot would have to be incorporated somewhere. However, this was kept as a fencing match. Whether this was still commonplace in other cultures to settle disputes I wasn’t sure, but the idea of a duel did feel slightly out of its time. The scene was amazing though as the whole match was also filmed and streamed up onto the screen, electronic scoreboard and all. I loved how loud music was played over this scene so whilst we couldn’t hear the lines (we weren’t meant to, they were mouthed), the audience could easily follow what was going on. Some deaths occurred a lot quicker than others (like Laertes, dying before Hamlet despite having sustained the same injury after him) but I thought Hamlet’s death was done particularly well. The final scene of everybody in the background dancing in the background (I understood that this represented death) whilst Hamlet waited to join them. It felt peaceful and a good, rounded end to the play. When Horatio is the final survivor standing, it took me a moment to realise as he was positioned offstage, watching it all unfold. 

Overall, I was very impressed with the Almeida's production of Hamlet and especially Andrew Scott's amazing interpretation of the role. He took his eccentric energies to the role and provided a very layered and three dimensional portrayal of the young prince. I also felt the whole creative team did an amazing job in terms of staging, music and still managing to surprise the audience despite Hamlet being a very well known work. I would urge everybody to go and see this amazing production whilst it's still running.


All photos credited to Manuel Harlan

Catching up

Hello again. I promised I’d do a more positive post about the stuff I’ve been up to since September so here we go. Of course not every single moment is documented here, but I felt like some of them needed to go on this blog for future reference! Also, I must warn you: if you’re not into hearing me ramble on about theatre productions I’ve seen, this maybe isn’t the post for you…

First, when I left you all I was about to embark on a week’s work experience at my local BBC radio station. Let’s just say it wasn’t what I really expected. I’m slightly terrified if I say too much I’ll be arrested or something because wow there was a lot of paperwork to sign about confidentiality… Basically, it was more pure journalism than I was expecting. To be honest, I don’t know what else I was expecting, but most of what I had to do involved gathering information for stories. I even had to go out with a voice recorder and interview people in the street (about their diets - wow thank you for that easy topic). I also had to go to a school and interview children. Primary school children. If you know me, you’ll know that I am the most awkward person when it comes to talking to kids. So that was an experience all in all. However, I did get two of my pieces I recorded and edited played on air so it’s not all that bad (they even said my name as if I was an actual reporter wow).

On the 1st October, I went to London to see The Boys In The Band at the Park Theatre with my friends Beth and Sam. Just a quick note: what a nice theatre! They even hung books from the ceiling and it was incredibly pleasing to look at. Back to the production, if you’re unfamiliar with the play (which I certainly was), it’s set in 1960s New York and eight (or nine depending on how you read it) gay men meet for a friend’s birthday party. As the night goes on, things get very deep (I don’t want to spoil it if you ever want to read it or see an adaptation). The whole design of the set was so slick and accurate to the era and was open enough to operate as a stage whilst still feeling like you were watching from the outside. Also, the set carpet was very nice, which I can safely say as I was sat front row (no, seriously I was very, very close). Another thing about being in such a small theatre is that I could smell the (real!) lasagne they ate onstage, which didn’t help how hungry I was. The whole play was so engaging and I loved how they slowly introduced each of the "boys" to the audience so that you didn't get confused who was who and it also allowed time to have each character to develop their own storyline - you didn't have any "minor" characters. It often annoys me when television shows or films breeze past introductions of characters despite them becoming vital to plot later on - this thankfully didn’t happen here! It was played so well that you could tell there was a lot more to each of their stories that we weren’t privy to, there wasn’t sole focus on one person’s story. I found it interesting how every time you settled into the humour, a harsh truth relating to gay men in that era was brought up and it really grounded the whole production I think. No character’s portrayal was black and white - and whilst some stereotypical “gay” traits were included in the characterisation, the range of characters were a case in point that gay people should not and cannot be put into a ‘box’. There were dark and light elements to every character, which felt very realistic and honest. Ian Hallard stood out to me as Michael; how he slowly changed his character and intentions throughout the piece so that you don't even notice he's being bitter until he's really got going with it. However, he still maintains the audience's sympathy throughout. I also loved how much seemed unspoken in the play and that felt quite natural and true to life - not every home truth is going to be revealed at a birthday party, is it? The play was also very funny, including Harold’s (Mark Gatiss) line about someone being so cold it looked like they’d been “rimming a snowman”. The whole “straight guy” culture was also lightly mocked which made me laugh as it is still something very relevant today - the situation brought about by Michael’s friend from college visiting (who is reportedly the Most Straight Guy Ever) resulting in everybody needing to ‘play straight’. The awkward silences and conversations only discussing “the game” were deliberately stifled and it was introspective of society in a way that was funny to anybody watching. Also, there was a dancing scene that was so hilarious I was crying with laughter, which I rarely do. I’m so happy that I am going to see the play for a second time in February when it does its two week West-End transfer to the Vaudeville Theatre! Front row again - time to smell that lasagne again!

I’m now realising just how much I ramble about the theatre when I really get going with it… I’m now also remembering I still have two other productions to talk about (I’ll be more brief, I promise). The first one I saw back in July actually (and neglected to blog about it apparently) - Unreachable at the Royal Court Theatre (love that place). It’s about a daring film director Maxim (played by Matt Smith) who is on a quest to find the perfect lighting for his film; much to the dismay of his team (and the budget) as this light never seems to show itself except in the director’s mind. It felt like a very abstract play, whilst being grounded by the humour of a certain character nicknamed ‘The Beast’. Well, he’s not trying to be funny per se, but his excessive anger and dramatics create humour in itself as nobody can take him seriously (also, lots of spitting whilst talking - glad I wasn’t sat front row). It’s interesting because most of the play felt much like a comedy with many one-liners and even times when the cast couldn’t keep it together themselves. Still, there was still a darker undertone running throughout and this was definitely noticeable despite the humour. In the play there was also a very abstract scene with boxes that I won’t go into detail about - let’s just say that was a strange four minutes or so… I think that’s all I need to say about that one. The play really lulled you into a very lighthearted mood with its humour and excessiveness when suddenly the metaphorical rug of lightheartedness is very sharply pulled from underneath the audience’s feet. It ends on a very dark cliffhanger with a very sudden moment at the very end. However, the play still feels complete - this was signified by the fact that ‘the light’ finally shows itself once the tragedy occurred (there was also a live fox onstage, just to contextualise how meta this was) so whether this was purely symbolic could be up for debate.

Another play I went to see recently was Peter Pan at the National Theatre. Unlike most of the other plays I’ve seen, I was unfamiliar with any of the cast. I was excited that I had no idea what was coming. I always love going to the National Theatre (we found our way to one of the top balconies and what a view) so it was pretty much guaranteed to be great. For some reason, I was quite surprised that there were a lot of children and families attending. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, Peter Pan is a children’s book. However, at the National Theatre I usually expect something a bit dark, meta and adapted beyond belief. I had never been to a theatre production aimed at children that wasn’t a pantomime. I actually think it’s a good idea for introducing children to theatre. It was so entertaining! The unique thing about the production was the use of ropes and harnesses; the ‘flying’ made possible by crew members climbing up and dropping down towers of scaffolding, simultaneously operating the cast member on the other end of the rope (it’s hard to explain). It appealed to children (there were songs and everything) whilst still maintaining the spirit of a National Theatre production. It felt like the sort of thing that was perfectly understandable on the surface, whilst maintaining an underlying subtext that could be interpreted as the viewer thought fit (a bit how I see BBC Sherlock, actually). For example, the set props were quite minimalistic and impressionistic in places. Also, the character of Peter Pan was certainly shown to be flawed and his insecurities about having not had a parental figure of any sort whilst growing up were evident. It’s one of those things that becomes obvious when you think deeply about it, but when most people have grown up with normal Peter Pan, this of course is never addressed. His character brought hints of the darker side of things I’m used to seeing in plays at the National. There were also moments where the characters all seemed to lose grip on reality and forget they were pretending which I thought was a really interesting direction to go in and I think it was subtle enough to pick up on but not to confuse children watching. I think I would have liked it to maybe explore the darker undertones more as I found it interesting, but yet again that may have been the point - Peter avoids thinking about serious things as to ‘never grow up’, so perhaps exploring the idea would defeat the object.

Okay, so I said I wouldn’t go on as long. I’m sorry. I just like talking about the theatre… I realise that most of that sounded like an english exam answer.

Other than trips to the theatre, I also travelled to Manchester in November with my friend Jade to see Catfish and the Bottlemen live. It was such a great show (even if I got caught in a mosh pit in the first song and we had twelve year olds in front of us who thought it would be a great idea to drench themselves in water, simultaneously soaking us too) and the band brought so much energy. They’re a band I’ve always wanted to see live and I’m glad to have that one finally crossed off the list. The evening was topped off with getting a lot of chicken from McDonalds afterwards to eat in the hotel room at 1am. I do really like Manchester, it’s a city that I feel always has a lively feel to it but it’s not overwhelming. Also, shoutout to my friend Hannah who helped me to navigate!

Also in November I attended a course to do with becoming a Floor Runner on a film/television set. Now this is an area I’m still not 100% about but at least if I learn more about it I can be more informed in decision-making (well, that’s the theory). I learnt all about the different roles on a set and all the tasks and practicalities of working on a film set. This all took place at a studio (used for filming music videos, apparently) that was very cold. At least it was realistic to what working on a set would be like; long hours and cold temperatures. I learnt a lot of valuable skills that day which will help me should I want to do that sort of work in the future. We also had a talk on how to do your tax returns when you’re on a mix of long and short term jobs - a bit scary all that… All in all I think the biggest task was trying to get back to Paddington station from Ealing Broadway on a Sunday evening (hint: not fun). Half the tubes were being cancelled or redirected and a twenty minute journey took me over an hour. Oh, and my train was delayed. Got to love public transport.

In December I also went back to London for a university open day (not much to say about the day itself) and I was so happy to see all the Christmas lights in London (Is it bad luck to even talk about Christmas after the 6th January? Oh well, guess I’ll find out) even if I was on my own. I had so much time to kill after the event I went to that I travelled to quite a few places in London to look at the lights. As the Coldplay song says, I took my feet to Oxford Street to see the Christmas lights, but definitely didn’t stay past 5pm - I’m not stupid. Although I did go to Covent Garden and use the tube station near rush hour - okay, so I am in fact stupid. Only downside to avoiding the hell of rush hour was having to wait at Paddington for about two hours with nothing to do - there’s only so long you can make a Mcflurry last… I’m always stubborn with trains. If a train is even a couple of pounds cheaper to wait an hour or two extra I will do it. My idea was to “look around London for the evening” but then I remembered that rush hour plus Christmas shopping is a thing.

In December I also I got a job! Okay so originally I didn’t actually get the job that was meant to start in November but they called me back in December as they now had a job for me. It was working in a certain high-street CD/DVD shop (can you tell I get paranoid about employers finding me on the internet?) which suited me to the ground, even if it was a lot of standing up. So that was great to earn some money over Christmas and actually get some experience for my CV. I was lucky I worked in such a friendly, laid-back place and I’m actually gutted my contract ended on New Year’s Eve… At least I don’t have to listen to the same Elvis Presley album again for the twentieth time over. 

What else positive has happened? I’ve seen a lot of cute dogs, that’s been wonderful - always love a cute dog. Also, as I type this, Sherlock is on its second episode of series four and I have a lot of opinions about it (when don’t I?) so I think I’ll do a separate review or something like that soon. It’ll probably be after the finale, which I don’t think I’m ready for at all. I’ve already talked at my friends and family about the deep intricacies of it (I really am sorry) so maybe putting it in a blogpost would be beneficial for us all. 

I have a few things still to look forward to this year, but I am also worried about looking ahead too much in case it stresses me out… I am seeing Andrew Scott in Hamlet in March which I am so excited for, as well as the second viewing of The Boys In The Band next month. I also have a few other things planned but I think I’ll save those until I can actually write about them… 

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough for now.

Laura.

Positivity is a strange old beast, isn’t it?

I was recently reminded of the existence of this blog and I realise I should probably get back into the habit of actually writing semi-length pieces again. It’s a bit bad that I say this every time I come on here but I’m just really bad at updating. If I’m honest with you all (because where else can I be brutally honest if not on the internet), I’ve really not been that great lately. It says it all when it’s taken me to this point in the post to remember it’s 2017. Happy New Year, by the way… This seriously isn’t one of those new year’s resolution posts, I promise you. This is just me, sat on my bed typing without any sort of plan to this thing. 

I’m starting to realise lately how unrealistic it is to plan out your life in advance. Personally for me a prime example of this is university. Ever since my sister went to university over six years ago, I’ve always kind of assumed that I would go straight there and do something (I wasn’t sure what). That obviously hasn’t worked out - but that’s okay. It’s not necessarily a bad thing that I had a pre-university breakdown that resulted in me not going to university… Sure, it was stressful and breakdowns are never nice, but I sincerely hope I’ll be in a much better place mentally by September (even if I’m so confused what I’m going to be even doing this year). When people joke about being indecisive I think most people mean choosing between desserts and stuff like that - I am indecisive to the point where even if I have months to decide on something, I still will have a meltdown and not be able to choose anything. This is a serious issue for me and I shouldn’t ignore it (will I get around to deciding whether to do anything about it though? That is the question). 

It’s so weird how people can change their mind as they go through life even when you can be so set on something you can’t imagine wanting anything else. When I was little, I wanted to be an architect. Now I realise this isn’t the most common aspiration of a seven year old, but that’s what I wanted to do! I also used to be obsessed with arts and crafts - you name it and I would attempt to make it out of old cereal boxes and sellotape. I used to draw a lot. Then I realised I didn’t really have the patience to draw things so being an architect was out. Then, it was to be a writer. I used to write (very crappy) full length stories, eagerly handing them into my favourite year three teacher (whose song about vowels is still the one I mentally recite when remembering what the vowels are). Would you believe I even used to write my own versions of Doctor Who books, fully illustrated and everything (actually, if you do know me you’re probably not surprised in the slightest)? Yes, I was technically writing fanfiction before it was trendy. That passion fizzled out too. Maybe it was the fact that I enjoyed reading other people’s stuff more than writing my own. Or it was most likely school. It’s kind of sad that I would no longer describe myself as creative.

I also used to despise studying history. I’m not even joking, at a year 9 parents evening I swore (not actually) to my teacher that I would never ever do GCSE history. Long story short, I ended up doing it. A-level history too. And now I’m going to (maybe) do  a degree in it. Funny how things change, right? I say ‘maybe’ because yet again, I don’t know what my thoughts will be by May, or even next week. This stresses me to no end but what can I do? It shows how much I’m procrastinating and being indecisive by the fact this is a post I originally started to write in October but never finished, so there’s a lot of cutting and changing in this one.

Positivity is a strange old beast, isn’t it?

I’m scared shitless about life, if I’m honest with you all. I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore as what I thought I wanted to do is just impossible and impractical. I don’t really have any passions. I’m jealous of everyone that knows what they want to do and goes for it - I wish I knew what would make me happy. I’m on round two of choosing universities and I already know I’m going to really struggle to choose again. It’s January and I’m already anxious about it. Basically I am worried that whatever I choose will be the wrong decision and I’ll be committed to something I hate for three years and I’ll only have myself to blame. That I should have known it wasn’t right. Equally, it could go swimmingly. However, as a pessimist that’s not really the most likely outcome for me to predict. I struggle to know where I’m going to be happy because in my mind, there can only be one place I must choose and it’s a right or wrong answer (which I know is irrational, people can be happy in different places). It's not even about moving away from home, I don't get particularly homesick, it's that I worry that I'll hate the place. I was pleased when I managed to avoid seeing any of my old teachers when collecting my exam certificates last night just so I wouldn’t have to explain what I’m planning and what I’m getting up to. Because at the moment I have no bloody clue.

I feel a bit weird hearing “Happy New Year” because I’m very apprehensive about 2017. I think we can all collectively agree that 2016 truly fucked us over. Not just with worldwide events but personally, 2016 did not go how I hoped it would - not really. This time last year I thought I’d be at university by now, happy and confident etc. Let’s just say I’m really not that much better yet. I managed to get a job over Christmas but that’s just ended so basically I don’t have much at the moment, except the last of my wages I’m trying to cling onto and a glass-half-empty philosophy. My mum (bless her) tells me to just focus on the positives to which I always reply “what have I got to be positive about?” (I’m sorry Mum, I know you’re trying). I mean I did do a lot of good things last year like trips out and getting my exam results, but I feel like happiness is a long term thing for me.

As with any piece of writing, I feel like this needs a conclusion of sorts. That’s just it though - I don’t really have one yet.

I’ll make my next post about all the good things that have happened since October. I would have spoken about them now but I feel that would be a weird to put them with all the negative stuff. This post was written to be therapeutic and I suppose time will tell if it's helped. Currently debating whether to even post this… If you’re reading this then I guess I decided to.

Here’s to 2017 being a bit less shit.

Laura.

Hello, we haven't talked in quite some time...

I feel like I need to start this blog again as I realise a hell of lot has happened in my life since I last posted on here. I was slightly horrified to find the last time I’d posted here was in April. I literally say pretty much every blog post that I am horrified how little I post… But I am. I’m not a great blogger… So yes anyway, a lot has happened. Well - it has and it hasn’t… Surprise, I didn’t end up going to university this year! I am going to go next year, but I’ll get onto that.

So just to update you on the chronology of this whole thing, when I last posted I had chosen that I was going to go to Manchester for university. So this was my firm choice up to results day, but it wasn’t the first firm choice I made. Now this wasn’t an initially straightforward decision by any means. If you know me (or have read the rest of this blog), you’ll know that I eventually would love to go into TV or radio production. Many people have told me that I’m being unrealistic by wanting to pursue this (yes, I am fully aware it’s bloody difficult) but I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t try. As indecisive as I am, the idea of going into this industry has not wavered in my mind (not a lot of things do that) and my instincts are telling me to follow it, at least for now. The only issue is that loads of this industry is in London. I mean you can get it other places but it’s a lot more few and far between in terms of places that do this kind of thing (unless anyone has any recommendations?). Hence my looking for universities in London. I thought I could possibly end up there for work in the future if things went well but knowing myself I knew I probably wouldn’t make myself move there later in life i.e. post-graduating…

I love London but unsurprisingly (more than a year ago) I was scared shitless about going there for university. Well - it was more about living there rather than the actual course. I want to do history at university and all of the libraries are there so really it would be easier in that sense. Everything else? Not so much.  At the time this seemed like a good fear though! It started off as an abstract idea of going (my Dad went to university in London, too) but when I visited I actually loved it so much. In particular, a university which shall not be named (way to make it sound like Voldemort) that I thought was way out of my league. However I had the predicted grades I needed so I applied! This was not a whimsical decision for me, no matter what my teachers said to me. I’m not kidding, none of them said anything near encouraging when I told them where I was looking (even though it is an amazing university). Despite barely knowing me as a person, one of my teachers even told me during parents’ evening that he couldn’t see me there at all (this was after I’d applied and he knew that). It made me feel horrible but I knew my own mind though so I carried on (I didn’t even dare to ask any of my teachers for help with the extra entry essay).Then I got an offer. That really shocked me and I was so proud of myself that it sort of eclipsed all of my other offers in a way. My other offers were for other great universities but this was the unrealistic one that actually came off well. I thought long and hard for a good long while after that and then I eventually made that university my firm offer and I made Manchester my insurance. I was going to make this work as I’d always wonder what it would have been like if I didn’t go.

Then the meltdown happened. I won’t go into detail about what it was about specifically, but basically I was scared shitless about going to London and I wasn’t sure if I would be okay there (indecisive Laura at it again). I’m pretty sure this was mostly an amalgamation of all of the negative comments everyone had said to me mixed in with my own insecurities. I also think it was to do with the fact I wasn’t emotionally ready to go to university. Strangely, none of my worries were about grades even though it was very unlikely I was going to get them (I did actually get them and I am still in shock). At this point I didn’t really care about my grades as such, I was just carrying on in college and hoping for the best. So I did a hurried ring to UCAS who told me that I could change my firm and insurance by a certain date which was about two weeks later. This is very important to realise if anyone reading this is applying to university… You can change your mind even after you have firmed. Which I did, making Manchester my new firm choice. This took the pressure off a lot to be honest. I was honestly content with my decision at the time, I didn’t want to stress myself too much… For me in my head, Manchester was more my “safe” option. When I say “safe”, I mean that Manchester is more typically classed as more ‘studenty’ and that I could find out a lot more and predict what life day-to-day was going to be there. Also, the accommodation made it a safer option for quite a few reasons and that was my main stressor at the time. My previous firm had a lot of accommodation issues (specific to that university) that scared me a lot.

However, after my exams though I started to feel a bit weird about the whole thing. Whilst loads of my friends were already talking about how they were desperate to get into their university of choice, I felt nothing. I had built myself up so much despite criticism and gone for London, only to have to abandoned the idea. Even though I did (and still do) love Manchester and its university, I couldn’t help but feel I had prematurely picked my second choice and the whole prospect of getting into university was an anticlimax. So cue meltdown number two (are you sensing a pattern?).

Weirdly deep down I kind of always knew I wasn’t going to university this year. Even before applying to university the first time, I think in the back of my head I always knew that something wouldn’t work out as it seemed. Whenever I was asked whether I could “see myself” in a place, I couldn’t at all. I mean I knew this was normal feeling because it was so far away at the time. But when it was a few days before results and I still couldn’t get excited or imagine myself in this new place I was supposed to be desperate to get into, I knew something wasn’t right. When teachers asked me and my friends where we were going, I kind of felt like I was lying when I said mine… (I wasn’t lying of course, for all intents and purposes that was still my intended path). This wasn’t even about Manchester, wherever I had picked I would have felt like that. If I had kept my London choice I would have probably still ended up where I am now but probably a further step on from a meltdown. Think of it like that analogy about time travel where even if you chuck a pebble into a stream, a timestream will always revert to the same course. 

This didn’t change the fact that I wanted to do a history degree. I want a university education still and I believe I will still go and do that. Just not this year. My brain is still fried after my A-levels (more breakdowns in that as well, usually over maths) and I think taking a gap year would be best. I remember my Mum telling me to call off on deciding on a gap year until nearer results day as I may be “eager for education again by September”. I took in that point and waited but I haven’t felt that yet, even with my friends all starting their courses. I will be ready to do that at some point, but I’m just a bit relieved I have more time to sort myself out. However, this doesn’t mean I love the fact that I’m taking a gap year. I miss my friends so much (I’m so proud of them and happy for them) and to be honest I’m slightly jealous at the fact that they were actually able to go this year (in a good way, just to clarify). I just had no choice really, I felt like I was on the edge of a breakdown every time I so much thought about university. It’s going to be a tough year for me both practically and mentally but I have to know that it’s the best thing for me.

Thankfully my grades have been my saving grace. With the grades I got, it means I can reapply to a lot of universities and the ones I dismissed last year without a lot of thought. One of which I really, really like. And guess what? It’s in London… So yes I have decided that I need to give that city a try (or at least apply) and why not do it as a student? I may change my mind again before September but that’s okay. It’s okay to change your mind and go off-course sometimes. Whilst I’m feeling a bit bad at the moment, a year is a long time in which to improve myself. I would love to become a bit more confident, try to gain the experience I couldn’t before due to me being at college and earn a bit of money. If I hadn’t have got the grades I wanted but still got into Manchester I would have definitely accepted it but put it off a year. It just didn’t feel right this year no matter where I went.

It hit home for me when I saw everyone else leaving for university. I was sad of course because I was going to miss my friends and I didn’t (and still don’t) know what I was going to with my year. I need to be positive though, which is hard because I am a pessimist. I used to call myself a realist but to be honest I am a pessimist, I should stop denying it… I'm really thankful to have such lovely friends that are keeping in contact with me so much despite being super busy themselves. 

So that’s you guys all up to speed again. I’m not sure how many of you are bothered, but I still wanted to write it down. 

In terms of things to look forward to, I have a few things! Tomorrow I start a placement at my local BBC radio station which should be really interesting (even though I get very nervous when meeting new people). I’m going to attempt to follow that up with something else if all goes well (I’m not holding out much hope but it’s worth a go asking). Thankfully I am going to the theatre on the Saturday after the full on week of experience and I’m really looking forward to it. It’s a play called The Boys In The Band and the premise sounds amazing - it also has a couple of my favourite actors in it too so that should be good. I’m going with a couple of my friends, Beth and Sam, so all in all that will be a really nice day down in London. I also have a few other things tentatively planned before the end of the year and early into next year but hopefully I’ll make myself post on here at a time that they are more chronologically relevant. I don’t want to exactly splurge everything onto here now and have nothing to talk about in another post. I’m already on rations at the moment…

I’ve noticed that I’ve been ranting a lot to my family a lot more (not about them, about the government and social norms mostly, that sort of thing) so maybe I should convert all that energy into updating this blog. I mean I know nobody really reads this (apart from a few I know who do, thanks for taking the time to read this mammoth) but it’s a cathartic activity for me. That, and the fact that I put it down on my personal statement that I update my blog regularly. I wrote that last year and at the time it was true. Now? Not so much. I will attempt to change that… I don’t really lie to universities if I can help it!

Motivation is my biggest problem at the moment, which is evidently clear by the fact that it has taken me nearly three days to type this post up and the fact that I am sat on a currently half-made bed. I should probably finish doing that next. I’ll most likely end up watching American Horror Story but I’ll see how the afternoon goes. 

Thanks if you got to the end of this and I’ll talk to you next time, comrades.

Laura.

All aboard for Procrastination Station

I always feel so bad when I realise this blog is basically a procrastination method. I’m sorry, I’m using you. So here I am again at a trough in my motivation sine wave and I am a stationary point (can you tell I’ve been doing maths all day?). Therefore, blogging time!

What’s happened since my last post? I’m at least trying to keep some sort of a record of my year at least for myself if anyone! At the start of April I went down to London with my friends Beth and Sophie to the red carpet of the Olivier Awards (theatre awards). That was an experience! I had never actually done a red carpet before and it was a lot of waiting but totally worth it. In the flurry of intenseness we managed to meet quite a few people on the carpet. We had stayed in a hotel the night before and at the crack of dawn (I’m not even joking) we experienced the wonder of the London night bus… Was it comforting I could see a CCTV screen from my seat? I’m not sure… Navigating the Strand when it was deserted was interesting though, all of the theatres shut and nobody in the streets (except for a few people shouting “We’ve only just finished our shift!”  at us as they passed).

It’s just something about London early in the morning that I love (when I’m not concentrating on how sleep-deprived I am). All of the hustle and bustle taken away, the city quiet for just a bit longer until it all gets crazy a few hours later. It’s like if you go to the South Bank at about seven in the morning or close to midnight, it just feels so lovely to have it (sort of) to yourself for a little bit, to have such a crazy city feel momentarily peaceful… Then you realise you’re just up stupidly early and everyone else is still sleeping like normal people on a Saturday…

Speaking of London, I’ve chosen where I am going to university! And it’s not London (it was going to be, but that’s another story), it’s Manchester! That’s if I get the grades of course. I can’t remember if I mentioned before but I’m going to be studying history so I better be prepared for a lot of reading (sidenote: I’m really not ready for that). I also need to be prepared to leave home and survive on my own (extra sidenote: not ready for that either). I think Manchester seems like a cool city and it’s ironic how its rail link to London is actually quicker than from where I’m currently living, despite the fact that Manchester is a lot more north. I’m most likely going to need to go down to London libraries when I do my dissertation [she types, slightly terrified at the prospect]. I do love the north of England and apparently I shall never want for a regular bus. Or rain. Lots of that.

Back to the reason I am writing this post in the first place is my revision, which is really taking it out of me. I have a statistics test tomorrow and I’m pretty screwed for it, honestly. I’ve sort of accepted I’m not going to get top grades in maths but even the lower grades are hard to get! It doesn’t really help that the questions have really boring scenarios. For example, yesterday I was calculating how effective a sewage filtration system was at removing ‘foreign matter’… Nice (p.s. it really wasn’t that effective, ew). So basically the maths exams are even more boring than they have to be. And they're boring to start with. I really don’t care that somebody is measuring the temperature of a metal ball or how many bunches of flowers a shop is likely to sell in a month… 

The bottomless pit of history revision is scaring me the most though. I think I’m just going to have to give it my best and hope it doesn’t go too badly. It’s sixty years of British history in which you have to know practically everything that happens. Literally, no stone is left unturned. I am drowning in notes and stress. English is pretty chilled by comparison, really (thank the lord for that!). I just cannot stop procrastinating, I'm even doing it right now by writing this!

April is going so quickly - it’s terrifying. I have an exam in less than a month! I am not ready for that at all. Plus I have my birthday in the middle of them… I’ve not even had chance to think about the fact that I am seeing Coldplay live in just over a month so I need to get excited for that at some point. I suppose I’ve just been drifting through college aimlessly (more like struggling against a tide but still) and I have lost all sense of time. What is a week anymore? I have no idea. I literally do not know what the date is most days at the moment, which is probably slightly worrying. 

Anyway, time to get back to statistics and calculate what the probability is of me passing that test tomorrow…

Laura.

Internet friends

So apparently today it’s internet friends day! As it so happens, I was planning on writing a post about internet friends for a while after my friend Beth (who I actually happened to meet on the internet) and I were chatting. The thing is, once you meet up with someone who you met online, are they still an ‘internet friend’ or just a friend? Same difference, really. I always feel awkward when I have to refer to someone as an ‘internet friend’ instead of a friend when I could have exactly the same conversations with them than I could do with my friends in ‘real life’.

I think generally the internet has its ups and downs. It’s ups being having the ability to look up all of recorded human history (pretty much) and any weird fact you can think of on Google (is it weird that up until yesterday I didn’t realise that grapes are actually berries?). It’s had that much impact that ‘google’ is now a verb when it never was before (the original term comes from a googol which is a 1 followed by 100 zeros - neat) and our ‘real' lives have become so interwoven with our online lives that we couldn’t imagine life without it. My god, I remember coming home from college the other night to hear my sister say to me “by the way Laura, the internet is down and has been all day”. The horror.

Of course when you have lots of people all busying themselves with the internet, they eventually talk to each other and, like the ‘real’ world, there are going to be some good people and some bad people. It’s a difficult topic really. The general societal fear of the internet is that should someone hide anonymously behind a screen, they will be able to commit malicious acts (which happens quite frequently, unfortunately). However, I don’t think the internet should be getting a bad reputation altogether.

I was in an English Language lesson the other week when we were talking about texting and ‘internet-speak’ (it’s what all the cool kids use now, apparently) and I’m not quite sure how it came up in conversation but we began talking about a recent documentary about a teenage boy who was murdered by someone he had met online. I myself had watched the documentary and I was shocked at how horrible it was. It was a rare occurrence even though all of the correct precautions seemed to have been taken. But the reaction of my classmates towards the internet in general following this chat surprised me a bit.

“Why would you make friends online, that’s just a stupid thing to do!” one of them said, and yes I suppose in the context of the conversation, it was a justified argument. However, I felt like it was tarring all internet communities with the same brush. What must they think of me, who meets up with internet friends regularly? I’m not sure if it would surprise you, but I'm not particularly friendly with some of the people I am forced into education with (I do have some great friends there too - shout-out to all of you gracious beings). So that’s why it’s also nice to be able to find new friends in that niche of what you’re interested in. For example I may love a particular band, but if my friends aren’t really into that band, then at least I have some other great friends who I can get into really in-depth conversations with about that band (I do still ramble a lot to whoever though, I suppose. I never shut up, okay).

When I was younger and first discovered the internet (the real internet, not just Club Penguin, even though that game is legendary) of course I was shy but then I realised that I actually had people who liked the same things as me to the same level I liked them. It was like a miracle. Of course at that point I didn’t quite realise how vast some of these communities were, but to me, having one person tweet me to say “Hey! You like that band? I like that band too!” was miraculous like oh-my-god-other-people-who-like-the-same-things-actually-exist? I am lucky that I’ve generally had quite a lot in common with my ‘real life’ friends but I know there are certainly some people who come to the internet with no friends and find some great people who they can connect with and talk to whilst being themselves, which is another thing that it’s sometimes hard to do when in the midst of education.

I have met so many lovely people through the internet (if I name them it will take too long but you know who you are), but I always made sure I was safe when doing so, such as going with a friend or being in a public place for a first meeting. This is so important, seriously! Once you’ve met them once, twice or maybe a few times then sure it doesn’t matter as much, but it’s certainly a safety net should your internet friend turn out to be a 40-year-old IT consultant from Slough instead of 16-year-old One Direction mad Jennifer from Surrey. I am over exaggerating a bit but you get what I mean.

As I said, I have met loads of amazing people through the internet. Mainly for me it was Twitter. I didn’t in fact meet up with anybody until about 7 months after I had spoken to them in 2012 and we are still friends today. More recently in the last few years, I’ve met others as well whom I enjoy meeting up with. For example, an actor I really admire, Andrew Scott, was doing a play in London. I know that whilst my ‘real life’ friends may not be overly bothered about seeing that actor in theatre (which is fine obviously) I knew I had people who wanted to see the play just as much as me. In April I’m even spending the weekend with my friend Beth in London to go and do something we both love and in Summer I'm going to a concert with my original internet crew because we all love the same band (p.s. it’s Coldplay).

Of course the internet and those sorts of communities aren’t for everyone and that is completely okay as we are all different but I feel like there should be a bit more appreciation for them. Internet friends are real friends and I think of all of my friends as friends. The fact that we live across the country (and sometimes in completely different countries) doesn’t matter that much at the end of the day. I like to have a balance of it, really. I’m appreciating all of my friends here because I know I don’t say it a lot but you are all great. And even if you’re not one of my friends, thank you so much for reading, you cool person on the other side of the screen. 

I feel like this is the longest I’ve rambled but I guess it’s just a topic I like talking about. Would you guys like more discussion-type posts like this? I feel more productive when I do these honestly and I’m sure you are bored enough by me speaking about my life. In case you wanted an update as it’s probably been way too long since I updated this blog, I am still studying for my A-levels! (no, nothing exciting then). I’ve received 5 out of 5 of my university offers which is crazy but I still have to choose which I want to go to which is such a difficult decision for me as I am literally the most indecisive person ever. But I shall prosper.

Godspeed readers, 

Laura.

P.S. Go and check out my friend Beth’s blog which she has just started up! She’s given me a sneaky promo on there so I thought it only right to return the favour!

Should old blogs be forgot and never brought to mind?

Greetings my friends (unless any of you hate me, of course). Recently I realised how appalling it is that I’ve left this blog so long without posting anything! To be frank, the main reason for that is that I’m never sure what to ramble about exactly. The reason that comes a close second is that I’m not the most motivated recently...

Since September I feel like I’ve been simultaneously very busy but also very bored! Since I last spoke to you I sent off the dreaded UCAS application and I’ve actually had some offers from universities (not all of them yet, though!). For one of them I had to write an abstract essay in the space of a week with the deadline on Christmas Eve. Yes, that was definitely interesting to say the least...

With Christmas now over (it doesn’t really feel like it happened really) and 2016 well and truly here, I felt I should return to the good old blog. Don’t get too excited, nothing very significant has occurred to spark this sudden return. Part of me admits this could be a form of procrastination and I think it might be correct. At least this feels like I’m being productive even if nobody reads it and it’s a load of rubbish I’m writing out at 11pm.

Right now I’m finding that I’m not feeling very optimistic for the year ahead. Of course I have a couple of exciting concerts and theatre trips to look forward to, but I also have some not-so-nice things ahead. First, exams, and all the revision that comes with it. It is incredibly daunting to me at the moment and I just really need to get some motivation already! It’s funny, whenever I have the “I have no motivation” conversation with my family the answer is always just “Well you need to be!” which of course, doesn’t really aid me much in my struggle... If only it were that easy! I’m feeling myself spiralling into the swirling sea of stress.

The other giant oh-dear-god-I’m-not-ready-yet thing that is approaching me this year is university. Sure I have offers, but for me I don’t have a clear-cut “I want to go there!” option. I have a couple of options I’m ruling out but it still doesn’t make the final decision much easier. Of course there’s the question of the grades but really the most worrying aspect is that I am literally the most indecisive person I know. If I choose one thing I end up changing my mind. And then changing it back again... And again... And again... You get the point. There is not really anything I’m concretely sure about at this moment in time. Well. This year should go swimmingly then, shouldn’t it?

On a lighter note I feel I should try to document some of the things I have loved recently in terms of non-academic procrastination material. My favourite band (Coldplay, in case you didn’t know) released an album recently and I was really pleased with it! Also, I’ve watched some great films and television. Jessica Jones on Netflix was a marvel (in every sense of the word) and London Spy on BBC2 was also amazing (although slightly disturbing in places). I of course have to mention the new Sherlock episode too! I thought it was very clever and made you really look deeper into a plot (and stunning cinematography too – what’s not to love?). On New Year’s Eve I watched the new Star Wars film and wow I was blown away. It was so good. I have to admit to you all that I had never seen the originals up until recently but I really have been missing out on this universe!

Anyway, I am becoming acutely aware of how many exclamation marks I have used in this post. I should probably leave it there if only to spare your internal voice shouting at you. I will try to update more this year (this sounds like an empty promise but oh well) and I will see you next time.

Back to college as well tomorrow, the joys.

Laura.